The last run

Saturday, January 06, 2018 || 6:01 PM

Last run of university - that is, if I choose not to take up honours. Oh, and happy new year!

Finally it's 2018, the year I've been waiting for, for a really long time. So many things to actually do this year - & I'll probably save the list for another post. Go go go, 2018!

Anyways, I went to Sydney a while ago and keep putting this post off for undue reasons. Sydney was lovely and I'm definitely coming back to experience the place wholly by myself before I leave the country just because I feel like it wasn't properly explored before. There's just more food, more pictures and more experiences needed to be covered there. Thinking of whether I should actually go by myself since I'm more or less familiar with the place.

This trip was actually a pretty funny one - it was so spontaneous though planned to an extend. I asked my friend 2 weeks before the trip if she wanted to come to Sydney with me and she said yes. Off to Sydney we go then! Did I forget to mention that we went to Sydney a week before hell week of university, because why not right?

Nonetheless, managed to snap some great photos - and by that, I mean just selfies and strange photos because we were busy immersing ourselves in the moment.

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Let's run away

Tuesday, August 29, 2017 || 3:53 PM

The funny thing about being down is that you often think you're in the worst predicament the universe can ever put you in. Was I affected? Definitely. I was devastated. My heart probably needed a minute, for it to wallow in misery, but it's running well now. My guards are up, sorta, and I'm ready to run again. 

But hey, you came into my life and taught me to love myself and appreciate the world and people around me. For that, I'm thankful. You're special and a great person. Whatever happens, I wish you the best. 

One of my best friends visited me last weekend and I miss her so dearly. I can't wait till the other bestie comes from Singapore. We're planning something during summer and I can't wait. Brought her to the Gold Coast and Brisbane City. It was pretty chill, no commitments - just how we like it. Also, I met a new pal who lives nearby. He's such a sweetheart - again, friendships in unexpected situations. 

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Note to self

Saturday, August 19, 2017 || 12:29 PM

I told you, didn't I? I told you not to. I told you so. 

One of the many horrible circumstances in life that you can possibly land yourself in, is to be blessed with the curse of being a pushover. A pushover; I've been told many times that I'm the perfect example, epitome in fact, of a pushover.

In a work setting, being a pushover is inevitable for someone who's just starting out - Asian mindset here, it's like giving the higher ups some form of respect I guess. In a way, it's to satisfy their sadistic needs for superficial power.

But today, I'm not talking about work. I'm talking about personal relationships. It's sad to have someone you really care about, take advantage of your feelings for them. It's disappointing to actually acknowledge that this person you care about, highly likely, does not even know how much they affect you with their actions. It's depressing to know that you actually realise the situation but since you are a pushover, you can't get out of this cycle.

I'll try to keep to these new rules, in every hope that it'll help me get over this dreadful trait.

1. Don't be too nice
2. Learn to say "No"
3. Be more selfish and think of your feelings
4. Hurting someone may inflict some guilt in you, but you have to do it sometimes
5. Don't let your guard down
6. Conceal, don't feel, don't let them (know) in

Note to self: The next time someone reaches their hand out to you when you're falling, be sure to check this hand once, twice or maybe thrice, just because there's a 49.6% chance that he might push you deeper into that hole.

From miles away

Wednesday, August 16, 2017 || 9:27 PM

I seem to find comfort in weird places and unexpected people.

Be it in a distant friend or an ex-nemesis - strangely enough, company finds you in peculiar situations. Have I fallen too deep? Or have I gotten too desperate? Or maybe... Did I finally realise that I deserve more than this? 

Whatever it is, it doesn't matter anymore, does it? I detest myself so much right now for being too smiley. Maybe I shouldn't smile at everyone I meet and maybe I shouldn't be too open and let anyone in. Funnily enough, I didn't feel like I was too open though. Why that night? Why. Why. Why.  

Waking up everyday feeling empty used to be a norm. Now I wake up feeling guilty. Guilty about my whole existence on this earth. 

& the worst part about all these emotional thoughts is that, you probably won't feel as much because I think way too much into things. 
I don't know what I want. I don't know what's the right thing to do. This will sound selfish but please decide for me because either way I'll hurt a soul. Either way, I'll hurt me too. But that's okay, I'm pretty self-sacrificial.

I visited the Gold Coast last weekend and it was nice. I've never been much of a beach kind of girl but I do miss lying on the beach and just letting go. To be completely honest, Surfers Paradise was too cold when I visited but hey, it was a change of environment for once. 

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